They don`t want to go out, and somehow I want them to. 

I want them to flow, I don’t want them to stop.

I want to follow every drop, reaching the ground that seems so far away.

Instead I keep on flying, not able to emphasize with my own feelings. 

I want to realize what I lost, what I have and what is not here. 

More than everything I want to be close by the one that put me on this earth.

Her warm arms might me comfortable enough to make me stand on the ground. 

But too far away now, I can only stay where I am.

I can only guess, what you are thinking.

I can only guess, if I made the right decision. 

I can only imagine, what I want to tell you right now. 

I can only imagine, that the pain is hidden somewhere, somehow. 

I just want her to hold me, so that I can feel that you are not the one holding me now or ever. 

I just want her to hold me, so I can feel the pain that is not coming out. 

I imagine drops reflecting the green light of your eyes, falling down with the speed of an enormous rock falling down from a hill right in the water. The drops will be slow down by the water, and the reflection of your eyes will slowly fade away in the bigger picture. 

I imagine you standing on the other side of the lake, not being able to be hit by the rock or the drops. 

I guess you will never really realize what is on the other side.

I guess I will never really realize what kept you on the ground. 

You are a pain, and I wish I could feel it. Right now I don’t. It is stuck. It will not come out. The only thing what will help me is going back to the source of existence. Back to the course of my existence. Back to the earth. Back to mother earth. 

Only then I might realize the size of the bigger rocks, and it was only that one rock that fell down. 

However, that one rock created a giant splash and the drops hit everything except me. 

That is why I am not able to touch the inside of the lake, without walking over the water. 

Diving will not bring me deep enough to reach for the rock at the bottom. 

The rock is lost anyway, and I am stuck in a game trying to find it. 

C.